I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
