His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize