its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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