Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
