I'd wear matching sweaters with you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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