my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
