I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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