There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
