I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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