Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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