Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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