You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
