When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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