6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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