i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
