I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
