It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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