I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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