i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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