I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
