Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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