sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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