The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
