Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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