he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize