I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
NoShamevember. You game?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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