My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
