I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
