we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
