just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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