i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
