Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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