the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
