I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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