those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
