But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
