why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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