I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
