How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize