he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
