you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
