Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
