help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
