youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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