Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
