i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
