new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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