I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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