Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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