so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
