i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
