margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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