he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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