I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
home. puking in laundry basket.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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