I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
