I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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