Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
