As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
