that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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