There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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